“I don’t like to say, ‘I told you so,’ but ever since the Sensible Party disregarded our advice, the l*wd practice of handshaking has caused more and more injuries. Just picture two people meeting in secret in an alley, away from the police and our respectable surveillance cameras, to engage in this heinous activity involving skin-to-skin contact. They must have disgusting, vile, and shameful thoughts!

“A toddler I once met developed a handshaking addiction after shaking hands with an adult.

She was only 38, poor girl. So much to live for, yet she must now spend the rest of her childhood and perhaps a bit of her adulthood in rehab. She told me, ‘I can’t stop shaking hands. It hurts too much if I don’t.’ I cry for her soul. Will the Sensible Party listen to her cries and realize that people will lose everything when their hands touch other hands?” But when you find an odd set of spectacles, everything is different.

Will you find a better world for the children, or will you let it fall into decay?